What if you were best friends with yourself? What would life be like?
How would you eat? Exercise?
What would you spend money on?
What treatment would you stop tolerating?
How tidy and clean would you keep your space?
What would your inner voice sound like? How would you talk to yourself?
There’s a freedom in being kind to yourself. You no longer need strict rules – diets, timetables, budgets – in order to force behaviour You WANT to take care of yourself.
You believe you’re worthy of being treated well, so you treat yourself well.
How to Cultivate the Relationship with Yourself
It’s like any relationship, it takes time and energy to be built and maintained.
The simplest thing you can do is find ways to spend more time with yourself. And make it fun! This is not meant to be a chore, another thing to tick off the to-do list.
My personal favourite way right now is to sit in the morning sun and savour my coffee. Sometimes I journal, sometimes I ponder but its always just me, myself and I. I’m relishing this time because it creates space for ideas and inspiration and surprising thoughts to bubble up. Plus it’s so peaceful listening to the birds and noticing the autumn leaves. Basically, it feels really good to sit there so that’s what I do each day.
Other ideas I love –
😍 going for a walk without any distractions. No headphones, no company, phone away. I like this because the walking and taking in your surroundings gives you something to do so it’s not as confronting as simply sitting. Plus getting into nature has great grounding energy which is a nice bonus.
😍 do some at-home pampering and really go all out. Light candles, play music, pour yourself a glass of wine – whatever will set the mood for you. Load the bath with bubbles (don’t skimp! Use exactly how much you want to), put a deep conditioner in your hair, slather on a face mask, soak for an hour until you’re all wrinkly. A qucker but no less indulgent version could be an at home manicure complete with soak, hand massage, cuticle oil, the works!
😍 if more spiritually inclined then do New Moon and Full Moon journalling. Follow some Instagram accounts (I like @moonomens and @nadinejane_astrology) and every fortnight read up on what it all means and journal it out. I don’t get all of the astrology behind it but the prompts are super powerful at getting me to think about things I hadn’t considered before. So even if you can’t get on board with the planetary influence, it’s still an amazing way to widen your reflection practice.
😍 learn more about yourself and the way you operate. Whether it’s understanding your biology, the menstrual cycle works and the impact on your energy (get my Introduction to Productive Flow is get an overview). Or doing a more scientific, psychometric test like Myers-Briggs. Perhaps learning your Human Design or about astrology beyond your horoscope intrigues you. Follow your curiosity about what most interests you but the idea is to uncover some self-acceptance. I was reading about my Human Design chart and learnt that the first thirty years of my life are basically one big experiment which helped me embrace that I am exactly where I’m meant to be.
Whether you’re conscious of it or not, there’s possibly a part of you that resists these ideas. That doesn’t see your relationship with yourself as something worth putting effort into.
This comes from our ego trying to keep us safe. Safe being what’s familiar. If we actually start to like ourselves, who knows what kind of change is coming our way?
Actually trusting ourselves, being free from rules and restrictions can be a pretty scary prospect after years of relying on them to keep you on the straight and narrow.
Building Your Self-Worth and Learning to Value Yourself
So if your ego is winning and you’re thinking you’ll give improving your relationship yourself a miss, here are some suggestions.
👉 Think about how incredibly amazing your best friend is. Think about all of the many, many reasons this fabulous person is your best friend. Now ould someone that truly epic be best friends with someone who wasn’t equally as awesome? I think not. Take this to another level and tell your bestie how incredible you think he/she is. Show some appreciation for how much you value having them in your life. Not from the angle of fishing for compliments (we don’t do that anymore) but because it feels good to spread the love.
👉 Keep a compliment log. As I coach I collect testimonials and I find them an incredible reminder of everything I’m capable of and a great boost when I’m having doubts. We’re wired for negativity and its so easy to remember words that sting from years ago. We need to put more effort into focusing on the kind words. What we focus on expands, so the more we focus on kind words, the more kind words we notice and the kinder our inner voice gets.
👉 Write a master list of all the ways you’re awesome. Aim to get to 100 points even if takes all week to think of them. You might feel like it’s impossible to get to a hundred but more and more ideas will surface over the week as your subconscious searches for more ideas to add to the list. There’s no way you won’t be thinking Wow I’m Pretty Dam Incredible by the time you finish this list. It’s simply not possible.
I know exercises like these can seem naff, that it’s easy to be dismissive. But before you write them off, I’m going to ask you this, is the inside of your head a nice place to be? If it isn’t, maybe it’s worth giving it a go and seeing what happens. At worst you give up half an hour fo your time and at best, you’ll start to feel better about yourself.
Three Actions To Take Today To Improve Your Relationship
I’m a big believer in taking action while you’re excited. That right now, after reading this article is when you’re most motivated to act so I strongly advise that you do something RIGHT NOW before you move on to the next thing.
🌟 Pick a self date idea, figure out everything you need to make it happen and make sure you have it, schedule the time in your diary and revel in the anticipation.
🌟 Set aside half an hour to boost your sense of worth by reflecting on what an awesome person you are. Use one of my suggestions above or do whatever feels good and inspiring to you. There are no rules except that it must feel good!
🌟 Do something kind for someone else to boost the feel-good vibes. Leave a review for your favourite book or podcast. Drop a postcard in the mail to a friend or send it electronically if that means you’ll do it. Do your flatmates dishes. Don’t draw attention to your gesture, mentally pat yourself on the back, feel the warm fuzzies and move on with your day.
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