I had a mild I’m 27 and single and will be too old to have kids by the time I get married, if I ever get married breakdown yesterday. Nothing special there. Every twenty something girl I know has had some form of this thought pattern: relationships not happening on time with life plan progression.
Taking a step back, I started thinking about being single. I have one friend that always point out to me “there’s always someone with you isn’t there?” I haven’t been in a relationship for over a year. This ‘someone’ is someone I’ve just met, or been on a couple of dates with or some deluded friends with benefits but it’s really so much more scenario. And without fail, this one is different.
Hold up.
There’s something very wrong with this picture. I’m rarely properly single. Always embroiled in some emotional entanglement. Riding a roller coaster of high when he calls to low when he doesn’t. No doubt my emotional investment in this nothing between far outweighs his. Or inverse happens and they’re quite taken with me but I dismiss them. They have nothing to offer, they’re not what I need.
I’m a cliche.
Or I was.
A couple of months ago I cut my final emotional ties to a guy back in New Zealand. Here I am in London, complete with a full blown fresh start. Properly single. No emotional roller coaster. I still have my questionable habit of evaluating every guy of a suitable age that comes into view but that’s another journey. I haven’t acted on those evaluations. No first moves. Very little flirting. No chasing.
I’m single.
Properly single.
Not the there’s always someone girl. Not the flirt. No harem. No multiple first dates a week. Single.
In all its glory. What an opportunity to change the story. Break the pattern. As I said to a friend, I’m building so much self respect, I won’t stand for being treated badly. I don’t blame th guys. I was chasing something that wasn’t there. I brought the treatment on myself. I allowed it. Me. No longer.
Arians Huffington says life is a balance between making it happen and letting it happen. I keep trying to make my relationships happen. Now I’m allowing letting it happen take the lead.
An Independent Maven 